diving into you

guess who's back?

Thu, 09 Sep 2004 07:02:07 GMT

no harlem isnt back its only me. im bored as hell and its late and i cant sleep. lets see what has been going on in my life? not much sad to say. school is so soon and i just cant wait to be a senior and for sing to start. yes im a fucking dork i kno. summer has been fun but im sick of it. i want something to do other then nothing. ill have school and im gonna go back to the gym. i hate the gym and i hate all physical activity that doesnt envolve me getting pleasured in some way. i wish i had something significant to say but i really dont. i love to freaking drive. my roadtest is monday and i cant wait till i get my license. maybe i really will start going to the gym if i put my license to use. the gym is a good place to meet the boys that ill hate 5 mins later. ehh enough of this. till next time. kisses.

red white and blue

Mon, 05 Jul 2004 05:22:03 GMT

so after a year and three months exactly me and alex broke up. i guess it was just time for us to part, we weren't getting along and he hated me a little lol but thats ok. it was quick and painless no tears and no long good-byes just a 1 2 3 kinda thing, hung up and its over. a year and three months later. im pretty ok with it i didnt cry. i dunno i wish him all the best with college and love and just life. i dont think we'll be friends tho lol which im ok with also. once he told me that if i broke up with him he would never speak to me again and i guess thats exactly what will happen. in any case everything that has happened between us has been for the best.

moving on to something else....

im going to finally get my permit this week soo i can finally start drivers ed and learn how to drive lol. cant wait. my summer seems to be going pretty well. ill be working for most of it to pay for my car but thats not a bad thing at all. i think this summer will be a good one, im finally growing up, i wish i was still 8. no worries and no stress just being cute and chewing gum. i got my senior pics the other day they werent that bad everyone seems to like them. to me they are just ok. the guy who took them was a gay chinese man lol. i loved him. he said "hair is everything, well not for u and me obviously we aren't fat or ugly, but for those people it is" lol he was great. oh and i finally got my sat scores after being told that they were lost. i did pretty well my family seems to be very pleased which is good because nothing i ever do pleases them. im not the sat type and i guess they kno this better then i kno this.

Mon, 26 Apr 2004 23:43:39 GMT

what i really wanna do is be hugged and kissed all the time but for some reason i dont see that happening. i cant wait till summer im seriously going to have the most fun i can. im 17 this is the last summer that im illegal might as well get in trouble. its time to grow up.

i wish i were in...

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 05:12:18 GMT

some place thats romantic and simple and loving and beautiful. i was thinking about moving to milan today. its a far fech dream but how great would it be. i would study fashion and drink expresso and learn how to speak italian. that is what i want. i would get a vespa and only wear skirts that fly in the wind. i would miss my friends but my grandma would be with me. i wish i didnt wish soo much. maybe life would be better if it were more simple maybe complication is the point. whos knows? i guess thats what we are here to find out.

my bf says im like carrie!!

Mon, 23 Feb 2004 05:15:41 GMT

well kinda he read my journal and said that im trying to be carrie from sex and the city and if i could be her for just one day i think it would be the best day ever.i love that show soooo sooo sooo much and im gonna miss it dearly. thank god that big finally realized he loved carrie. uhh tomorrow is school and i so dont want to go. i rather just spend the day laying around and kissing my bf and taking naps. that would be nice but i kno it will prolly never happen.

Thu, 19 Feb 2004 06:36:16 GMT

where shall i start? its weird writing about my life after not even soo much as talking about it after soo long. im going on vacation soon, a much needed vacation. ive been working really hard lately and not being appriacated for anything and its been soo cold and nasty and dark and i need some warmth and love lol. i think miami will bring me this. my father just recevied a picture of me after not seeing me in 6 years. he didnt think it was me. i think ive learned to take things as they are and i think ive learned to sort of just let everything happen and i dunno if thats a good thing. i find myself being more alone then like ever. i feel like everything is really routine and boring and usual and i hate that. something new needs to happen. im sick of the same conversations and the same thing everyday of life. right now i think the only thing that keeps me really happy are my friends and family who i love more then anything and this perfume that i bought in miami last year that the smell of it reminds me of miami and that makes me smile. friday im suppost to go to the city to go shopping for my trip which im very excited about since i havnt went in god knows how long.and then when i get back im going out with my friends, which i dont kno what we are doing but im sure it will involve food and being retarted to the point of peeing ourselves lol. i have soo much fun with them its beyond fun they are really the rare type of people in my life that will make me feel better no matter how my day has been. i love my friends. lately ive been realizing how very very different me and my bf are and thats a good thing sometimes but other time its not cuz he never understands me the way i want him too. but whatever me and him are close in other ways. i just hope that maybe when he gets his license back we could do more things alone cuz if i have to sit in one more back seat of someone elses car and harldy talk to him the whole night i might pull my hair out. i cant wait till i start driving maybe things will be different since ill be more in charge of where im going and who im with. maybe me driving will bring us closer together. and on that note im going to sleep nite.

Fri, 28 Nov 2003 03:24:23 GMT

HAPPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!! omg sing is soo soon i cant wait. JUUUNNNIIIOOORRR FFFRRRREEESSSHHH!!!!

Sat, 15 Nov 2003 00:13:27 GMT

la la la, i like wearing just undies and heels.

miss me?

Sun, 09 Nov 2003 05:42:16 GMT

i havnt updated in like forever and 4 days. im to lazy i guess. things have been ok, not bad which is always good. ive been having these weird dreams like in driving a 745 and it turns into like a bike and then i get really pissed off lol. irrelevant. schools been pretty good my play thing is coming along i guess. alex is good too (when hes not pissing me off lol). tuesday i gotta go dress shopping for my friends sweet 16 lol it my first sweet sixteen ever im soo excited!! lol cant think of nething else. see ya when i see ya.

Mon, 06 Oct 2003 01:42:15 GMT

i cant use the words love and hate in the same sentence.

but i definetly know how to do both.

one better then the other.

i hate trust.

i love not thinking about things that make me cry..

Fri, 05 Sep 2003 06:19:06 GMT

i havnt wrote ne thing in a while. today was a pretty good day. i hung out with my bf all day, we didnt fight too much lol. hes soo cute sometimes that i cant help but like attack him lol. tomorrow we are going to get our friend marianna a bday present and then we are picking up his best friend from bk. school starts soon. i dunno i kinda dont want it to start but i kinda do. i dont cuz well i dont wanna wake up and go to school lol and also becuz im gonna see alex a lot less and i do becuz theres nothing better to do. mine and alex's 6 month anniversary is coming up oct 1st and i dont have a clue as to what to get him. its already like 2 am and im suppost o be sleeping soo i can wake up ealier cuz if i dont alex is gonna yell at me when i take 2 hours to get ready lol. well maybe not 2 hours, i mean most of that is showering and blow drying my hair. i love coming home after seeing alex and smelling like his cologne. it makes me miss him. =C. its ok ill see him tomorrow. so =D. lol/.

it my b-day tomorrow

Thu, 21 Aug 2003 06:05:14 GMT

i hate my birthday soo thankfully its over but tomorrow is julia gets a benz day!! lol oh i cant wait. i feel like george jerfferson. moving on up. fuck honda germans do it better. i wish i knew how to drive soo i can race people and bitch them around in ma benz fool. hahaha!! im soo excited. today was a good day mostly. didnt do much hung out with my bf. managed to not fght too much. went home early didnt wanna stand around with his friends. i dont like being there when they talk about cars and grab their crotches in an attempt to make things seem important. i dont even think monkeys do that?? tomorrow is water ballon fight day. im not sure why but this was planned today when alex was playing around with his water hose. and i do mean water hose by that. ;D! im all excited tomorrow is such a big day lol its julia gets a benz day and water ballon fight day lol! im like 4. i think im gonna name my new benz fee fee. not sure why. now all i need i a little doggy i can dye pink and carry around in my hermes bag. yes. well ne way im going. ciao

boys boys boys

Mon, 18 Aug 2003 05:51:14 GMT

ok soo me and lee are talking (i <3 lee =D) about boys of course and we realize all this worrying and crying isnt worth shit. no guy ever understands why we are upset and they never will lol soo it def aint worth it. all of them are scared little boys. and they are all idiots. but u kno they are our scared little idiots and ya gotta adore them. they never fucking get it lol. wtf is soo hard? be sweet. tell us we are pretty all the time. always be caring. bring us flowers. surprise us. and we shall adore u even more. cuz u kno yer good looks and nice car isnt enough. and its always the thought that counts. and pleas please please dont be cheap. we hate that. got it?? lol right lee??

Sun, 17 Aug 2003 02:49:10 GMT

ur free to do what u want to do. uve got to live your life and do what u want to do.

falling asleep

Thu, 14 Aug 2003 06:27:31 GMT

today was like the 1st day in like 6 months that i went out w/o my bf. i missed him. it was ok. i guess i wanted a bf for soo long soo i wouldnt havta go out with people and force myself to have fun. i love spending time with him though. i had fun tonight. most of the people there had their bfs or gfs there soo it was kinda weird that he wasnt there soo i can either be happy becuz of his piggy back rides and attempts to cheer me up (which always work by the way) or soo i can be pissed at him for a reason only i seem to understand. sometimes we need our space i guess. i think when people get older they realize more that they dont need large groups and hang outs ne more. its really all about one person when yer older. none of the kid shit applies ne more. i think on some level im getting to that point faster then he is. but its ok. he needs his friends and i need mine. but im def an easy person to piss off. and im very selfish when it comes to attention from him. i get very pissed when hes been with his friends all day and then i go to hang out after work or something and hes still talking about cars with them. i rather be home at that point. when we are alone its great. hes my best friend. im totally comfortable around him. i go through alot of bullshit and fights and i get upset a lot and like i said no one understands why i get upset over the things i get upset at but in the end its worth it. i dunno im learning not to care ne more about some things. i dont have enough energy in me to be soo focused on everything that can possibly piss me off. all in all today was a good day.

no way no how

Mon, 11 Aug 2003 18:25:33 GMT

have u ever sang and sang untill yer head starts to hurt? well i have. just breathe. <3

sometimes my bf makes me go like this =D.

Tue, 05 Aug 2003 05:27:07 GMT

knock knock knock on wood. things between us have been really good lately. i miss him. he always hasta be away when i like him more then usual lol jk. i always like him lol. he soo cute sometimes i wanna sqeeze his head off, but i wont. his birthday went pretty well i think. im glad he liked everything i got him, which was a lion that i named moohaa, that looks like him lol from the bear store in the mall, a fast and the furious book about the cars, and a really cute doggy key chain for his new max. sometimes he calls me when im at work and says cute stuff like hey milkshake lol. he makes me laugh. he bought me this really nice pearl necklace i wanted the other day cuz hes just the best bf ever ( thats what it says on Moohaas sweater lol) i had one just like it and it broke. =C. but its k cuz now he got me a new one which i like more cuz he got it for me. the other night, i was thinking about all this stuff that was getting me mad about alex, but then i remembered all my ex bfs and i realized how glad i am that alex is alex. and that i shouldnt yell at him as much. i told my grandma this and she agrees. she told me not to yell at him ne more. ehh maybe.

happy 17th baby!!!

Thu, 31 Jul 2003 04:53:13 GMT

im sad lol cuz i wanted to be the first one to tell my bf happy bday and i was gonna send him a text message at exactly 12 o clock but i started watching will and grace and then it was 12:03 before i realized it was his bday already. sorrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiii baby. ill make it up to u in a couple of hours when i see u.

dont count on me.....

Wed, 30 Jul 2003 17:55:22 GMT

...........i engineer.

im bored. i have work today soo ill be bored all day. i think im gonna have to start reading books again soon. maybe ill just watch will & grace <3. i <3 karron. shes the best. shes soo mean and doesnt care who she offends lol. shes just like "chocolates and flowers are poor people presents." lol. speaking of presents i hope my bf likes the stuff i got him. its not an m3 or a ferrari but i think its cute. blah blah blah.

journal correction

Tue, 29 Jul 2003 23:45:11 GMT

last night i wrote a journal about sex and the city and who im going to marry welllll what i meant to say was. when i marry alex he'll know to buy me a pink harry whinston princess cut 24 kt platinum grade a ring. lol hows that baby??

im sleepppy

Tue, 29 Jul 2003 06:07:58 GMT

i decieded that im carrie from sex and the city. well actually im kinda carrie. im not blonde and im not hidiously ugly and i dont have a bf whos name is also a kind of food. jack burger?? wtf?? could they think of nething dumber??? and more like charlotte with the whole male arrangment. or at least i want to be. but im def not marrying a bald jewish guy. samantha is way too slutty and shes def the oldest and gets the most dick? weeiiirrd. shes the prettiest tho. miranda is the fattest and saddest. but i love shoes and ncie clothes like carrie and i like to write a lot like her too. i want to marry a rich guy whos not named harry but knows what harry whinston is like charlotte. uhm im def straight foward like samantha ( not in the slut sense). and i think im def nothing like miranda. carrie should def go back to big. cuz hes rich and good looking and hes like her best friend. and i kno she loves him deep down. he loves her too. i cant wait to see the ring harry is gonna get charlotte. and the wedding!! sometimes i stun myself on how materialistic i am lol. well im not only that lol i want my bf to be sweet too. i like kisses and hugs lol! tomorrow is my little brothers bday. hes gonna be 13. that scares me a little lol. hes gonna like turn into a guy. hes gonna start doing his hair and driving omg. w

boys smell

Sat, 26 Jul 2003 21:18:21 GMT

i dont think that there will ever been one straight week that me and my bf dont get into a fight. im soo fking sick of it u have no idea. why cant he just be more caring and understanding? i dont fucking get it, all guys are fucking assholes and they are all full of shit.

i hate mosquitos

Sat, 26 Jul 2003 04:37:25 GMT

i want something pretty and shiney and pink. thanks. <3. my grandma will get me something lol. i love granny lots. shes def my best friend. lol =)~.

so any way...

Fri, 25 Jul 2003 06:14:13 GMT

im def going to the mall tomorrow. fuck my parents. i would have went today when i was suppost too but my check didnt come in yet and they were being dicks and wanting to once again as always have people over and drink then go out soo whatever. ill just take a cab tomorrow. i cant wait. im going to get alex a bday present. i hope he likes it, i think its really cute. and then my next check im taking my little brother shopping and he can get whatever he wants then im gonna take him out to eat. cuz my brother is cute =D. alex really made my bday really special for me for like once in my life and i hope i do i good job for his. my bdays always suck and im always unhappy but this year was totally different. he got me the most amazing flowers and a little replica of my favorite truck (esco) and a gift certificate, and he took me out and at the end of the night he asked me to be his gf. i almost had a heart and cried lol. out of all my bfs alex makes me the happiest. im really comfortable around him. hes a good bf. even though i yell a lot at him lol. but hes my little baby. hes cute and funny and doopy and macho and strong and a bk boy (sheepheads 286 lol right babe?). omg and the car obbession lol. ive never in my life met someone soo in love with cars. but anyway back to me lol. <3. i cant sleep. grrr!! maybe ill go read my brothers harry potter book lol see what alex loves so much about it. geek. mwa babe lol. my mom is out its 2 am and shes out. arnt i suppost to be out and shes the one whos suppost to be home not able to sleep. huh weird?

i love people

Fri, 25 Jul 2003 05:38:12 GMT

its interesting to see how people can respond to others not knowing anything about their lives. U DONT LIKE IT DONT FUCKING READ IT FIND A FUCKING LIFE AND STOP BEING A PUSSY. ALL YER GAY COMMENTS ABOUT ME ONLY MAKE ME SMILE AND LOVE MYSELF AND MY LIFE MORE. IT MAKES ME SOO HAPPY TO SEE HOW BOTHERED PEOPLE ARE ABOUT MY LIFE AND THAT IM HAPPY AND HOW THEIR LIVES FUCKING SUCK THE LOWEST SCUM ON THE MOST DISEASE RIDDEN DICK. DONT THINK THAT IT MATTERS AT ALL WHAT U THINK CUZ NOTHING AND NO ONE WILL EVER CARE JUST REMEMBERED THAT. NOT YER FRIENDS NOT YER ENEMIES NOT YER FAMILY NOT YER UGLY GFS OR BFS NO ONE LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT. BUT PLEASE DO POST ME MORE COMMENTS THEY DO MAKE MY DAY. =D! KISSES!